Getting older...and living alone

[crafters_corner]

Do you worry about aging, and how you are going to cope being on your own?
If you get sick?

Do you worry that you might have to move to a retirement village?
Or go and live with family?

Is the pension enough for you to survive on your own, if you're keeping good health?
(not meant to be a personal question, about other monies you might have)

Will you have to downsize?
What will happen to all your things, that take up space?

Will your family take care of you?

[Oh_hunnihunni]

Pretty personal questions there lindyloo. Why do you want to know? You worried about something?

[crafters_corner]

Pretty personal questions there lindyloo. Why do you want to know? You worried about something?

I was a genuinely interested question really, but I do wonder what will become of me, if and when I can't live on my own. The only reason would be, is if I got sick, and couldn't look after myself.

My Mumsy went into a resthome/hospital, and I hated it for her. She only lasted in there for about 2 weeks, when she passed away from terminal cancer, but it was sooner than we expected, and I'm glad (if you know what I mean) that she wasn't there for that long, as I know she would have hated it, and that is what upset me the most.

It would never have worked, her living with me. We loved each other, but we would clash sometimes, and we could easily have fallen out of love with each other..:-). I would never want my girls feeling like they have to have me either. We have had 'that' talk, so I don't worry about that so much, as where will I go? Who will take care of me? Will I end up somewhere, where I will be miserable.

Yes, I do worry about this quite a bit.

[Lilith7]

Apparently if I can't manage alone any more I'm to be installed in Sweetie darling No.2 & DIL's garage...
Of course the original plan was slightly different in that there was to be a sleepout type thingy attached - gottage thingy or whatever the hell it is, but then council regs changed.

So its probably the garage...

[Oh_hunnihunni]

I lived in a three generation household for nearly twenty years, and to go from that to living alone was a massive change. But I had been head of that household for so long I had good skills for managing both household and those within it. To shed that responsibility took an adjustment, but now I really enjoy it. I am loathe to go back, in fact when I feel I am being managed into a shared social situation I dig my heels in. I like being all about me. Independence is very cool.

Why can you not live on your own until you choose not to? You can get everything you need delivered, you can get home support for just about everything these days if you need it - I have neighbours in their late 90s with all kinds of challenges, including dementia, and they live alone albeit in a community setting. I have fit and healthy ones too, with or without family, but of limited means. Depending on your financial circumstances you can live in a variety of community options, from the excessively swanky to the very hands off budget friendly version, like ours. There is a waiting list for both kinds though so transitioning involves planning.

If you work out what you want and do your best to put some advance planning in place it does relieve the stress of worrying about the future. If it is only funeral insurance and an advance care directive, or living will that too helps. And when it comes down to it, if you get sick enough the system takes over. At least we have a Get Out of Jail Free card these days...

[Lilith7]

I certainly prefer living alone, & with luck will be able to continue doing so until I pop my clogs.

[Olive]

Do you worry about aging, and how you are going to cope being on your own?
If you get sick?

Do you worry that you might have to move to a retirement village?
Or go and live with family?

Is the pension enough for you to survive on your own, if you're keeping good health?
(not meant to be a personal question, about other monies you might have)

Will you have to downsize?
What will happen to all your things, that take up space?

Will your family take care of you?

I no longer believe that there is any point in worrying about the future.   The world has changed so dramatically in the past two years that none of us can predict what our circumstances will be even five years from now.  I have lived alone in between relationships and marriages and I know that I am able to lead a useful life alone. We are lucky to live in a country with a decent social welfare framework including medical care, and despite the way we all like to complain about it we are better off than most.

[crafters_corner]

Thank you ladies. All your comments have helped me alot actually.



I too am very independant, and love living on my own.

I 'spose I could move up close to hunni? or lilith? olive?
Nah, prolly not.

Actually, I'm moving back to Hamilton within the next two years or so, so that I can be close to my family and friends, who are all there, or thereabouts. I guess I don't have alot to worry about really. I guess I worry mostly about being a burden, to anyone. I hate that thought. I hate the thought of not being able to wash myself, or shower myself, or needing someone to wipe me bum.

I generally am a worryer. These last two years haven't helped, for anyone. Or, maybe the last two years have put things into perspective more, and as olive said, to stop worrying about the future.

I agree with you hunni, in that there probably is no reason why I, or anyone of us, can't live on our own, until we are carried out. I'd be quite happy to just drift off to sleep, and not wake up, but in my own bed.

[Zurdo]

My girls want me to come and live with them...but they aren't Boomers, so renters. I tell them if I have to sell up I'll get a campervan and make sure their next rental has space for my camper. But my stuff, oh man, that's going to be a struggle. I said when I retire I'll sort it all out...but I can't afford to retire, so 68 doing a 40 hr week and a part time job on weekends. I feel sorry for my kids, it's going to be one hell of a garage sale !

[crafters_corner]

My girls want me to come and live with them...but they aren't Boomers, so renters. I tell them if I have to sell up I'll get a campervan and make sure their next rental has space for my camper. But my stuff, oh man, that's going to be a struggle. I said when I retire I'll sort it all out...but I can't afford to retire, so 68 doing a 40 hr week and a part time job on weekends. I feel sorry for my kids, it's going to be one hell of a garage sale !

How cool, we are about the same age, and you have girls. Me too. 4 of 'em. I shoulda stopped at 1. lol

I believe that I could adjust to living in a tiny house or a camper. Not too sure for how long though.

I have a friend who is in her early 70's and still working, albeit part time. She says it gives her a purpose to get up in the morning, and to have some structure to her day.

I had lots of real fun garage sales, after my parents passed. I had all my own stuff, and their's as well. I had to sell most of it, but kept the precious items of course.

All things happen in their own time.

[Oh_hunnihunni]

Let family help. Becoming a grey nomad has some real advantages too - and doing the big clean out and downsize is a good exercise for us all. As is making arrangements while we are hale and hearty, and talking about it so everyone knows what we want and has the chance to get used to the mad ideas we might have.

Communication is really important as we get to the three score and ten, as is doing the research

And I consider myself particularly blessed having this little pensioner flat, and the income to survive nicely. If only every older person had the same security about their future living arrangements. I know it saved my life in so many ways.

[Lilith7]

I used to worry more than I do now, until I understood that some things are outside our control & therefore, there's no point in worrying about them. Makes more sense to worry about the things we can control.

And don't retire - its a trap & you never have enough time to do everything you want to!

[crafters_corner]

Let family help. Becoming a grey nomad has some real advantages too - and doing the big clean out and downsize is a good exercise for us all. As is making arrangements while we are hale and hearty, and talking about it so everyone knows what we want and has the chance to get used to the mad ideas we might have.

Communication is really important as we get to the three score and ten, as is doing the research

And I consider myself particularly blessed having this little pensioner flat, and the income to survive nicely. If only every older person had the same security about their future living arrangements. I know it saved my life in so many ways.

I am lucky that I have the security of having other income coming into the house, and also can still sell on TM, so I am blessed.

I think I worry for the sake of it. I'd worry if I didn't have something to worry about. I think it's part of what goes with anxiety. That does cloud alot of things for me.

[Lilith7]

Let family help. Becoming a grey nomad has some real advantages too - and doing the big clean out and downsize is a good exercise for us all. As is making arrangements while we are hale and hearty, and talking about it so everyone knows what we want and has the chance to get used to the mad ideas we might have.

Communication is really important as we get to the three score and ten, as is doing the research

And I consider myself particularly blessed having this little pensioner flat, and the income to survive nicely. If only every older person had the same security about their future living arrangements. I know it saved my life in so many ways.

I am lucky that I have the security of having other income coming into the house, and also can still sell on TM, so I am blessed.

I think I worry for the sake of it. I'd worry if I didn't have something to worry about. I think it's part of what goes with anxiety. That does cloud alot of things for me.

A DIL has a bit of a problem with that; she's found that doing those - I can't think of the proper term but basically its going into a bathing tank thingy for a set amount of time so many minutes or whatever, in salty water so you're floating - has helped a bit, & also the odd bit of meditation helps.
I think its the Greek people who have 'worry beads', presumably for the same reason.

[crafters_corner]

I am lucky that I have the security of having other income coming into the house, and also can still sell on TM, so I am blessed.

I think I worry for the sake of it. I'd worry if I didn't have something to worry about. I think it's part of what goes with anxiety. That does cloud alot of things for me.

A DIL has a bit of a problem with that; she's found that doing those - I can't think of the proper term but basically its going into a bathing tank thingy for a set amount of time so many minutes or whatever, in salty water so you're floating - has helped a bit, & also the odd bit of meditation helps.
I think its the Greek people who have 'worry beads', presumably for the same reason.

Floatation tank...think that's the name.

Oh, I LOVE the water. Being in the water is one of my happy places.

You've reminded me that I could go back, although I don't go during school holidays, as it's too noisy for me.

I do meditation too, though not as often as I used to. Before bedtime, and it does help me to settle down, so I can have a good sleep.

[Oh_hunnihunni]

A nice glass of port has a similar effect.

[Deecee]

Do you worry about aging, and how you are going to cope being on your own?
If you get sick?

Do you worry that you might have to move to a retirement village?
Or go and live with family?

Is the pension enough for you to survive on your own, if you're keeping good health?
(not meant to be a personal question, about other monies you might have)

Will you have to downsize?
What will happen to all your things, that take up space?

Will your family take care of you?

I owned a house but for various reasons wanted to move.  One of my sons wanted to get into the housing market but couldn't afford to buy.  We pooled our money and bought a house together, but we live apart.  We divided the house in two, so he has an apartment downstairs and I have an apartment upstairs.  I have to go downstairs to do my washing but apart from that try not to intrude.  He gets invited to dinner maybe once a fortnight.  He only has a shower and since he loves a bath, comes upstairs for one nightly, which means he gets to check I'm still alive.  It works well for us, but I think the secret is to respect the limits and stay out of each other's lives.  I try not to say 'Who was that?  Where did you go?'  but can't resist it occasionally.  I try to bear in mind that if we weren't living in this arrangement, I wouldn't know a lot about what was happening in his life, so I shouldn't be nosey (oh, the temptation!)  At the same time, the advantage for me is that if I had a fall, or a health problem, he is nearby.

I had to downsize from a three bedroom house, but I was happy to dispose of a lot of stuff that wasn't really my choice, and buy new stuff to fit the apartment, and I loved that.  I also got rid of a lot of the clutter we all collect, some of which I regret a little, but not too much.

Financially I could almost manage on just the pension if I had to, but I'd have to reign in the small pleasures of life such as a daily coffee and glass of wine, which would be a bit miserable.  I could do it if I had to, but don't want to.

I'm mid seventies, and so far it's working well.  Fingers crossed.

[crafters_corner]

Do you worry about aging, and how you are going to cope being on your own?
If you get sick?

Do you worry that you might have to move to a retirement village?
Or go and live with family?

Is the pension enough for you to survive on your own, if you're keeping good health?
(not meant to be a personal question, about other monies you might have)

Will you have to downsize?
What will happen to all your things, that take up space?

Will your family take care of you?

I owned a house but for various reasons wanted to move.  One of my sons wanted to get into the housing market but couldn't afford to buy.  We pooled our money and bought a house together, but we live apart.  We divided the house in two, so he has an apartment downstairs and I have an apartment upstairs.  I have to go downstairs to do my washing but apart from that try not to intrude.  He gets invited to dinner maybe once a fortnight.  He only has a shower and since he loves a bath, comes upstairs for one nightly, which means he gets to check I'm still alive.  It works well for us, but I think the secret is to respect the limits and stay out of each other's lives.  I try not to say 'Who was that?  Where did you go?'  but can't resist it occasionally.  I try to bear in mind that if we weren't living in this arrangement, I wouldn't know a lot about what was happening in his life, so I shouldn't be nosey (oh, the temptation!)  At the same time, the advantage for me is that if I had a fall, or a health problem, he is nearby.

I had to downsize from a three bedroom house, but I was happy to dispose of a lot of stuff that wasn't really my choice, and buy new stuff to fit the apartment, and I loved that.  I also got rid of a lot of the clutter we all collect, some of which I regret a little, but not too much.

Financially I could almost manage on just the pension if I had to, but I'd have to reign in the small pleasures of life such as a daily coffee and glass of wine, which would be a bit miserable.  I could do it if I had to, but don't want to.

I'm mid seventies, and so far it's working well.  Fingers crossed.

What a perfect solution. As a Mum, you would have to be mindful of not crossing the boundaries, although, as you say, "oh the temptation". I think I'd want to know too much, that would not be my business" lol.

I've narrowed it down, to why I worry about living alone, and getting older. And that is, if I had a fall, and couldn't reach my phone, or became ill overnight. I guess it would all be a new learning curve...like making sure that a phone (landline/mobile) is always nearby. Or maybe getting a personal alarm. I wouldn't want to wear anything around my neck though. I'm not a jewellery wear type person.

My parents had a good set up. If their blinds and curtains hadn't opened by a certain time, and if that ever eventuated, the plan was for someone to ring first, and then go over. They all had keys.

I think it's important that we all talk about these things with our families. Same with the Will. It's so important that your family knows what you want when you die...burial, cremation...etc etc.

[Lilith7]

That was it, floatation tank!
That sounds like a good solution Deecee.

[Deecee]

That was it, floatation tank!
That sounds like a good solution Deecee.

My daughter and I have always been dreadful worriers, but my youngest son never worries, no matter what happens.  He gave me a lot of food for thought when he said to me one day:

'You and sister worry about what might happen because you're trying to anticipate and solve problems before they happen.  So often they never happen and you've wasted all that worry.  Just wait until the problem arises, and then solve it.  You'll save yourself a lot of worry!'

You know what, he's so right!