Is empathy something you are born with or created ?

[mike]

I'd say a combination of both but you are mainly born with it, come out
the womb with the "heart" you have got. Sure most have some degree of
empathy but some really care about the well-being of others.

[SueDonim]

I think a bit of both. A lot of how you end up depends on the environment to the extent that it is all you know until you are old enough to look, listen and learn from outside the family. Then of course there are the people who have genuine difficulty in relating to other people (eg autism, etc). So I think kids are mostly likely to emulate parents attitudes and ethics while they are young. Then may or may not learn something different when life outside the home starts to have more impact. How much of the end result is inherently born I don't know. Sitting on the fence on that one.

[Zurdo]

I think it would be pretty hard to knock empathy out of someone, it would tend to reinforce it...maybe make a timid person What about narcissism ? When all the kids in the family are loving and generous...but one is selfish and domineering ? I don't think you can make a narcissist, they are the ones born like that. Family will guide our attitudes, until we are old enough to reject their way of life.

[Lilith7]

Something I learned years ago on TM from another member is that empathy can be taught, which surprised me at the time. It originated in Canada.

I think that we teach our kids empathy when we stop them from hurting one another & get them to consider how they'd like someone doing whatever it was to them.
Roots of empathy is used in schools & helps reduce aggression as well as teaching empathy.


https://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/local-n...orth-shore

[Magoo]

having none makes one a 'path'.
my wife taught me empathy.

[mike]

Great insightful sharing so far cheers.

I recall when at school the nice, caring friends had nice parents, yes definitely a trickle down.

Mum has one brother that is tight with money but the rest of 
her siblings very generous. Probably down to his genes, got 
more of his mums genes who was more on the tight side, his 
dad very generous. Grandparents genes in the mix too. Perhaps
something he seen or heard as a kid, different nurture being the 
youngest in the family.

Narcissist, had a mate for 22 years and recently gave him the permanent
bye bye. Upgraded my car and he got his nose all out of joint over it. Is a 
15K nothing special car and he has 150K plus in hot toys. (Vehicles) but his 
daily driver is now older than my daily driver. (Sell one of your toys would be a 
logical thing to do if my daily hurts so much lol)
Went to Europe, took him 2 months to ask me a single sentence about my trip.
Jealousy is his arcillies heal. Has a great personality in terms of being funny but 
running his mates down has worn thin over the years, jealous with what they have.
Think he is on the spectrum for Narcissim (other issues too). Like my wise sister 
said you don't need competitive friends in your life.

Taken me decades to work out that my environment has a huge bearing
on how I feel.

---

having none makes one a 'path'.
my wife taught me empathy.

Makes it easier to through life without having to think
of others are you meaning Magoo ?

[Magoo]

no, a sociopath or a psychopath or some other path.

[mike]

no, a sociopath or a psychopath or some other path.

Roger that.  Great point.

[Lilith7]

no, a sociopath or a psychopath or some other path.

Wouldn't it be terrible to find that one of your kids was a sociopath or  psychopath - you really have to feel sorry for their parents.

[Oh_hunnihunni]

It is learned. Pathologies on the other hand usually have a physical cause.

[gr8dadof2]

I believe you are born with empathy. To display it for the very first time it must be there to begin with. The empathy I am talking about is not the shallow sort that everybody aspires too. The empathy I am talking about can not be ignored or changed. Bit like a persons deep forgiveness of a killer just before being killed. Jesus had the empathy I am talking about. You can not get rid of it, it is inherent. You can be being beaten to death and still have empathetic feelings for the killer. That is empathy.

And I am not saying everybody is born with it.

[Magoo]

degrees of empathy then?
what sort is the shallow sort?? now im concerned, i'll bet you anything thats what ive been aspiring to all this time. dammit, why do i find this out retrospectively ?
i dont want to make any social faux pas aspiring to a less favourable form of empathy.
goddammit jesus knew too?
its a conspiracy.

[gr8dadof2]

Are you for real? Considering there are 3 types of empathy, cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. If we are talking about all three then that's some pretty powerful 'thinking of the other person' going on there so not everybody is going to possess all three empathy's and others will have different levels of varying amounts of the three etc etc. I won't overload your mind and tell you there could be an infinite no. of varying degrees of empathy.....it might be too much for you. I was trying to give a picture of the empathy Jesus must have possessed, not being smart. Some people just feel sorry for the nasty arseholes out there and Jesus was one of them. He loved and had empathy for everybody. No conspiracy.

[Magoo]

its worse than i thought...theres three now. and jesus is involved. it sounds like a minefield.
jesus is ok but his old man can get salty. i think calling jesus an arsehole is a bit harsh tho.
misunderstood might be a better descriptive.

[Lilith7]

its worse than i thought...theres three now. and jesus is involved. it sounds like a minefield.
jesus is ok but his old man can get salty. i think calling jesus an arsehole is a bit harsh tho.
misunderstood might be a better descriptive.

Jeez Magoo - behave yourself, you don't want to scare away any newbies!

[Magoo]

hey im not the one who called jesus an arsehole.
read that post missy.

grrdadtc said

nasty arseholes out there and Jesus was one of them

[king1]

hey im not the one who called jesus an arsehole.
read that post missy.

grrdadtc said

nasty arseholes out there and Jesus was one of them

I read the comment as Jesus was one of the ones that feel sorry for the nasty arseholes out there... 

To be fair it could be read either way, but in context of "He loved and had empathy for everybody"?

[Magoo]

thats not how i read it. it doesnt bother me, ive never met the guy
just seemed, as i said, a bit harsh. even if jesus wasnt the target, someone was.
in a thread about empathy.