22-12-2021, 10:24 AM
Excerpts from a Dogs Diary.
8:00am ÔÇô Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30am ÔÇô A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40am ÔÇô A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30am ÔÇô Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00pm ÔÇô Lunch! My favourite thing!
1.00pm ÔÇô Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00pm ÔÇô Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00pm ÔÇô Milk Bones! My favourite thing!
7:00pm ÔÇô Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00pm ÔÇô Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00pm ÔÇô Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cats Daily Diary.
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash of some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ÔÇÿgood little hunterÔÇÖ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to ÔÇÿallergiesÔÇÖ. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow ÔÇö but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released ÔÇô and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now
**
How to tell the difference between grizzly bears & brown bears
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, ÔÇ£Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.ÔÇØ
ÔÇ£So how do we know if theyÔÇÖre grizzly bear droppings?ÔÇØ asks one of the ramblers.
ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs easy,ÔÇØ replies the ranger. ÔÇ£TheyÔÇÖre full of small bells.ÔÇØ
**
Die, heretic
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, ÔÇ£DonÔÇÖt do it!ÔÇØ He said, ÔÇ£Nobody loves me.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£God loves you. Do you believe in God?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Yes.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Are you a Christian or a Jew?ÔÇØ He said, ÔÇ£A Christian.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too!
Protestant or Catholic?ÔÇØ He said, ÔÇ£Protestant.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! What franchise?ÔÇØ He said,
ÔÇ£Baptist.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Baptist.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Conservative Baptist.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too!ÔÇØ
Northern ConservativeÔÇáBaptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.ÔÇØ
I said, ÔÇ£Die, heretic!ÔÇØ And I pushed him over.
8:00am ÔÇô Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30am ÔÇô A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40am ÔÇô A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30am ÔÇô Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00pm ÔÇô Lunch! My favourite thing!
1.00pm ÔÇô Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00pm ÔÇô Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00pm ÔÇô Milk Bones! My favourite thing!
7:00pm ÔÇô Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00pm ÔÇô Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00pm ÔÇô Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cats Daily Diary.
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash of some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ÔÇÿgood little hunterÔÇÖ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to ÔÇÿallergiesÔÇÖ. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow ÔÇö but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released ÔÇô and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now
**
How to tell the difference between grizzly bears & brown bears
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, ÔÇ£Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.ÔÇØ
ÔÇ£So how do we know if theyÔÇÖre grizzly bear droppings?ÔÇØ asks one of the ramblers.
ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs easy,ÔÇØ replies the ranger. ÔÇ£TheyÔÇÖre full of small bells.ÔÇØ
**
Die, heretic
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, ÔÇ£DonÔÇÖt do it!ÔÇØ He said, ÔÇ£Nobody loves me.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£God loves you. Do you believe in God?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Yes.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Are you a Christian or a Jew?ÔÇØ He said, ÔÇ£A Christian.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too!
Protestant or Catholic?ÔÇØ He said, ÔÇ£Protestant.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! What franchise?ÔÇØ He said,
ÔÇ£Baptist.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Baptist.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Conservative Baptist.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.ÔÇØ I said, ÔÇ£Me, too!ÔÇØ
Northern ConservativeÔÇáBaptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?ÔÇØ
He said, ÔÇ£Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.ÔÇØ
I said, ÔÇ£Die, heretic!ÔÇØ And I pushed him over.
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)