Could you live without the internet for one week?

[crafters_corner]

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, Your Honor, Im guilty but..there were extenuating circumstances.

The female Judge said, sarcastically, ÔÇ£IÔÇÖd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.ÔÇØ I did too so I listened as the lady told her story.

ÔÇ£Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, ÔÇ£Hi! IÔÇÖm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?ÔÇØ

IÔÇÖm thinking, ÔÇ£Belinda, try decaf. This ainÔÇÖt rocket science.ÔÇØ

Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, ÔÇ£Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?ÔÇØ Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, ÔÇ£Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.ÔÇØ Then she headed for the door.

ÔÇ£Excuse me! YouÔÇÖre not leaving me in this vise alone are you?ÔÇØ I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, Oh, you fussy puppythe doors wide open so youll have the emergency hall lights. Ill be right back.

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And thats exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men Extraordinaire found mehalf-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, howÔÇÖs it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, ÔÇ£Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£OK, you take care nowÔÇØ Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though IÔÇÖd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, ÔÇ£Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?ÔÇØ

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said ÔÇ£Case DismissedÔÇØ.

That's it - the very one! 

Fark me, I can see right through you. Scary. I knew that was the one.

I was 'seeing' the scenario of this poor lady, her boobies being stuck in the clamps, and the maintenance men. Funny but not funny. Nah, it's funny aye.lol