Etiquette Matters

[Oh_hunnihunni]

A recent conversation raised the subject of table manners, and it has always intrigued me how different we all are on the subject. My Father was strict on the correct way of doing things, I suspect because his looming Victorian Father had the same attitude to matters of etiquette. His insistence on 'the right way' did make a shy child more confident when faced with potentially awkward social experiences and the recent conversation around a child without that benefit was a good illustration. This kid, at age eleven, cannot handle a knife and fork, and is uncomfortable with eating in company outside the family. The question between friends concerned the 'do we teach him or do we leave his parenting alone lest we offend' conundrum...

So to then come across this little piece on Stuff about buttering bread at the table made me smile, and explained a little habit I have, obviously another of my Dad's bits of childhood brainwashing...

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/food-...tte-expert

[Magoo]

my wife eats American.
cuts a piece of food, puts the knife down
consumes
repeats

[Olive]

I don't eat bread any more, but when I did I would always cut a piece of butter and put it on the side of the bread plate, then spread it on small pieces of bread. I think it was because my mother was very strict about using a butter knife for butter then a bread and butter knife for spreading it (to keep the butter clean).

My mother and grandmother and great aunt were very particular about table manners, and I learned to set a table from my great aunt, who had been head waitress at The Auckland Club. As a consequence I have never been nervous or uneasy setting a table or eating at one which has been set with many eating utensils. I think it is a social skill that would give children confidence and it's a shame so many don't have this very basic knowledge.

[Underwhelmed]

I'm no expert on table etiquette, but there are a few things that make me go "Whaaaat?"

People who talk with food in their mouth. And no, holding a hand in front of your mouth while doing so doesn't make it any better.

I had a South African friend who would use a toothpick at the table, covering her mouth with her hand. I always thought this was something that surely could have been postponed.

I went on a tour once with a multinational group and you could pick the Americans out at the table because of the stabbing at food habit. I'll do this at home when feeling lazy but never when dining out because it looks a little childish.

A few more - gesticulating with your cutlery (slightly threatening), refreshing lipstick at the table, bags on tables.

[Magoo]

putting the chopsticks up your nose at chinese restaurants.
blowing your nose into a cloth napkin.
farting
specially farting

[king1]

don't forget cell phones at the table

[Lilith7]

I can honestly say that I do not give a toss how people butter their bread. Lucky them to have bread & butter.

Elbows OFF the table, & no talking while there was food in your mouth, & when eating anywhere fancy with loads of cutlery (extremely unlikely, but you never know) start from the outside.

Approximately one hundred years ago I had (briefly) a Canadian boyfriend, who once came to dinner. My parents were scandalised that he ate American style & didn't understand it - why didn't he eat properly now that he was in NZ!

[Olive]

Bread and oil can be just as problematic. I was at dinner several years ago at an expensive Sicilian joint in Wellington and before dinner we were served bread with a tiny dish of dark green Sicilian olive oil. The person I was with promptly dunked a piece of bread in it for so long that it sopped up all of the oil. There was none left for me. Bad manners? I think so. (But also, if one of the serving staff had noticed and come over with another tiny dish of oil I would have been a customer for life.)

[Oh_hunnihunni]

I think there is a big difference between dealing with a bread roll at a formal dinner and making a Marmite sandwich in the kitchen for lunch. The point is, having a knowledge of etiquette boosts confidence to be comfortable in different situations. I had a ball at a very fancy steak restaurant in New York because my way of eating was so different to my hosts. What is with this salad on a separate plate thing? And the monster steak? Just as well they thought it was cute, not offensive that my table manners were different to theirs.

And I was very grateful no one told me just how much of an icon that place was. Is. I might have been more self conscious about eating the strawberries with my fingers.

The steak was stunning though. America does great steak.

[Magoo]

marmite rules

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i spent 5 years working front of house at Stars in San Francisco for this exacting chap.
the most lucrative job i have ever had.
i know dining etiquette

https://kitchenchat.info/chef-jeremiah-t...tellation/

[Oh_hunnihunni]

I have great memories of the garlic restaurant in San Francisco, but I preferred the one on Fisherman's Wharf!

[Olive]

marmite rules

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i spent 5 years working front of house at Stars in San Francisco for this exacting chap.
the most lucrative job i have ever had.
i know dining etiquette

https://kitchenchat.info/chef-jeremiah-t...tellation/

I remember what a star he was.   I used to own one if his cook books and I still make his version of lamb shank hash.   Isn't he now living in Mexico?

[Magoo]

yes i think so, after spending time in Singapore hong kong etc
his little boyfriend was hispanic, possibly mexican?
he (the boyfreind) used to mince around the dining room like a little butterfly in his
patent leather skin tight pants and canary yellow silk jacket. heels werent out of the question either.
i worked in san francisco then at his Palo Alto restaurant, closer to home.
it was excess at a bacchanalian level, internet/dotcom boom
yup yup yup good times.

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never whistle to/at/for a waiter in usa (it happens)
you will thrown out for bringing a dog into a food service area
because surely you werent whistling to me like a dog sir?